Drunk: "Easy, easy, whoa, you gotta calm down there, Chuck".
Gary: "I hurt people. I'm a dick".
Drunk: "Well, being a dick ain't so bad. See, there's three kinds of people: Dicks, pussies, and assholes. Pussies think everyone can get along and dicks just wanna fuck all the time without thinking it through. But then you got your assholes, Chuck. And all the assholes want is to shit all over everything. So pussies may get mad at dick once in a while because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes, Chuck. And if they didn't fuck the assholes, you know what you'd get? You'd get your dick and your pussy all covered in shit".
Dedicated to tree-hugging pussies.